Tues July 7 Shubho and Baroti’s wedding cont.

 Time to get into the wedding garments!! Right there on the roof! A white Punjabi and white lungi now with his white wedding hat. The astrologers say 12:11 a.m. is the perfect time tonight to perform the marriage rituals. So, back down to the bottom floor under the 4 posted structure with the priest. 

Many pan leaves were used throughout the rituals.

To begin with, a long white cloth was tied on to cover Shubho’s face while his bride-to-be was brought in. She came in holding 2 pan leaves in front of her face

They stood in front of each other, under a white cloth, an oil burning candlestick held between them😳 while they took turns reaching around the burning candlestick putting a dab of red between the eyebrows of each other. The veil and flame were removed.

They both held up a wreath of white flowers then they took turns moving their wreath thru the other wreath and up over their head and back off and thru again. A bit tricky with Baroti’s tiara and Shubho’s topor 🙃They each repeated the ritual several times.

Cross legged on the floor across from each other with the priest on the middle side reading from his handbook . One or both of them would be mumbling a repeat. Little bits of grasses, a banana, etc, etc would be picked up. 

At one point, Baroti looked about to cry and I wondered what was going on or why. Otherwise she looked happy or excited. Another time, she beckoned for her friend? to come to her aid… her nose hoop ring had come unclasped and was dangling by its gold chain from where it was attached in her hair… The priest never skipping a beat

There was the ceremony where Baroti circled around the area and Shubho 7 times stopping each round to dab the top of each of Shubho’s feet with oil?. Then Shubho’s helper woman would place a pan leaf over his feet till Baroti made it around again. It appeared like the leaves were to keep track of the rounds. Baroti took great care as she made her rounds.She had a narrow path with all the ceremony jinish(stuff) in the middle with candles burning setting there on the floor yards of floor length Sari skirt and then the ring of observers.

Then there was the ceremony where Shubho and Baroti reached across with her hand on top of his and the priest reading from his book and putting things on top of their hands… little bits of stuff?, flower petals, etc, etc. this part seemed to go on for quite some time especially considering they were sitting cross legged across from each other and it was a full reach to meet in the middle. By this time, Baroti’s eyelids kept falling shut as the priest droned on. Lastly he wrapped banana leaves around the whole stack and their hands, tied it with something and sprinkled more oil, flower petals

After this, a cloth was tied from Shubho’s lungi to Baroti’s Sari and from then on they performed the rituals side by side

Shubho then proceeded to put the red stripe from her forehead up into her hair parting that symbolizes marriage in the Hindu culture. Also the white bangles and other bracelets were donned.

They got up and took a break, hung out with their friends a bit while the next ritual was prepared. 7 circles were drawn  floor in a line. The priest made a small fire and then the bridal pair came back. A rice sifter with a pile of rice grains was placed in Baroti’s hands. She put one foot on a small club that was positioned at the 1st circle. Shubho stood behind her with his hands on her forearms and put his foot right behind Baroti’s as she slid the club along the line of circles stopping to dump a little rice on the fire every so often. Made me think of some of the relay feats we try to perform on School Year End Play days😅

So all thru these rituals Baroti had a lady assisting her also… right there prompting her, helping the priest prepare and Baroti to perform the rituals,.. 

another thing to note was the atmosphere of the place… It was not quiet or formal.. guests visited and moved about at will, children would walk right thru the ceremony tent. 

At one point, the lady assisting Baroti stepped up to me and asked when we were going to sleep as their rituals cont. and the hours slipped by.. the crowd got less but there were still some that stayed to the end. 

The final ritual for the event was the blessing of the womb… the last part, they needed a baby for. Gentry was sleeping in my arms and they asked if he could play the symbolic part, but I would need to wake him as he needed to be awake. I said, he’s out! It’s 3:00 am! She decided to try and placed him in Shubho’s arms, who passed him on to Baroti. Gentry squirmed and fussed a little and Baroti got him quiet again which seemed to be the point of the scenario and he was passed back to me.. 

and that was the end and we made our way out, stopping by Baroti’s family home but everybody was sleeping except a couple guests. Back out the alley to our van. The streets were dead compared to when we came in! We dropped Kobid at his alley. And drove the fastest down that road home as we probably ever have as it was so empty! 20 min later, Shunil opened the gate for us. Everybody in bed by shortly after 4:00 am!

It was noon before everybody was awake for the day.

Threw a load of laundry in

Made a hearty brunch

Worked on Jaira’s new dress making it more user friendly😉

Another rainy day, so we were notified that the “wedding” meal at the groom’s home wouldn’t be till 5:30 pm. Earlier when I had asked Dipti what time to go, She had told me “Shob poribar Shodda din” (all day) But then when I pressed her further for a better idea.. morning?, No.. afternoon 2-3:00.

Fine by us as we didn’t mind having a little more time between the 2 events. We walked in from Chakrakhali, water completely covering one stretch of the road.

At the groom’s home(Dipti’s) the whole yard was covered with a canopy, tables and chairs set up. The cow was no longer in the shed and they had a couple holes dug in there for cooking fires with huge pots

I found a chair in the 1st room of the house where I held Gentry almost the whole evening. So many people in such tight quarters! It was fun to be with some of the same people again tonight that we’d just got acquainted with and spent hours with at the wedding🥰 Baroti’s mom and 12 yr old brother Rudro, who was quite a charming little fellow.Dipti told me later that he is a hard working little guy, running his Dad’s dokan for him since his dad’s been sick for an extended amount of time. Two other very sweet ladies. One taught school for 8 years there in Khulna City and has been married 2 months now and lives in Chakrakhali. She knew just a bit of English so that helps for a little better communication. Other mom’s with babies were in there also stationed in front of fans.. we were going to finally go out to the tables and eat but we weren’t aggressive enough to get places at the tables and get in on that setting either, so Dipti’s sister told us she’d serve us inside. Cleared the bed and standing on it used a rag to dust it clean(little different standard of cleanliness going on here🙃) but her efforts were appreciated. 

After rice, dim curry, chicken curry, and doy(yogurt)

We took our leave. Darkness had fallen and our youngest 2 seemed to have had all they could handle

Out to the path, we are told we must wait for rickshaw van, it’s coming! We tried to wait a bit but we knew our littles would be much more manageable if we would keep moving,  so we slowly walked a ways. The rickshaw van did meet us before we got to the spot where we’d have to go thru the water again.

Mon July 6 Hindu wedding

 Got Jaira’s dress sewed and a wedding gift wrapped and ready

Lonnie finally grilled the “birthday” steaks today🤗 ..baked potatoes and lettuce salad for sides 

Dipti had told us 8:00 pm for a wedding time 8:00 - midnight

But Kobid had mentioned the other day how Hindu weddings can go to 3 and 4 in the morning with all the rituals and the astrologers know when the planets line up just right for the perfect time to perform the wedding rituals…which is often in the middle of the night..

We needed a few things in town. So went a little early, telling Kobid we’d meet up with him at 7:30

Well, I guess both sides weren’t fully informed so when Lonnie finally got a hold of Kobid, he was at Dipti’s house back in Chakrakhali and we were waiting at New Market in Khulna City for him! Anyway, he said the wedding guests should all come to the wedding by bus, with the wedding party. But now we should just wait where we were and we could follow the bus to the brides home which was in Khulna City, Nirala to be exact, not far from the Gollamari bridge. He kept us updated as they waited for the bus. Lonnie went after paratha(kind of like fry bread) for our hungry girls while we waited. 

It was 9:00 before the decorated car carrying the bride and groom and the bus with the guests showed up at the appointed meeting place!

The bus dropped the guests off to walk the last stretch of the way and we followed the decorated car to the alley. The wedding car drove on down the alley yet but we parked and followed, walking with everybody down the alley to the decorated and lit up gate at the end. 

Shubho(the groom) and Baroti(the bride) got out of the car then. Tradition is that the groom would be carried to the gate from the car. But nobody was willing and we weren’t quite catching on at that time what was going on. At the gate, the guests were supposed to give money(to help pay for the wedding, is how I got it) so only when enough Taka was raised were the guests welcomed in!

Dipti’s sister, Dipali, came and found us in the crowd and escorted us around so we watched the goings on from inside the gate. 

Shubho was wearing a yellow punjabi (long sleeved, knee length shirt) with matching lungi(wrap around man skirt), a white wedding hat https://www.google.com/search?q=pic+and+meaning+of+topor&client=safari&hs=tCaV&sca_esv=6fd337b2c9137bab&channel=iphone_bm&source=hp&ei=radUaqvPLKK_seMPmIKlwA0&biw=375&bih=449&oq=pic+and+meaning+of+topor&gs_lp=EhFtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1ocCIYcGljIGFuZCBtZWFuaW5nIG9mIHRvcG9yMgUQIRigATIFECEYoAEyBRAhGKABMgUQIRigAUiosQFQ2xFY-ZsBcAJ4AJABAJgBggKgAdcNqgEFMC42LjO4AQPIAQD4AQGYAgugAq8OqAIOwgICECnCAhAQABgDGLQCGOoCGI8B2AEBwgIQEC4YAxi0AhjqAhiPAdgBAcICBxAAGIAEGBPCAg0QLhiABBjRAxgTGMcBwgIJEAAYgAQYExgKwgIGEAAYFhgewgIIEAAYFhgKGB7CAgUQIRifBZgDEvEFwnsVJbSZRse6BgQIARgKkgcFMi41LjSgB-UjsgcFMC41LjS4B5cOwgcHMC4xLjUuNcgHSoAIAA&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-hp

About this time, I asked about Dipti, “Where is she?”. We’d seen Shubho’s immediate family, a couple cousins, an aunt, already….but not Dipti!? Her sister informed us, “It is tradition that the mother does not attend the wedding.” I am so accustomed to our ways that it seemed really sad to me that Dipti could not witness her son’s wedding..

 When sufficient Taka was received, Kobid mentioned 2,500 Tk.?. Shubho was carried a few steps and we all followed up the wide concrete steps to the bottom floor of the multi level, concrete, housing structure. There on that 1st floor, were tables and chairs set up, where we would eat later and a 4 cornered structure(mandap) decorated with flowers and stalks of banana leaves where the couple and priest would sit later while the marriage rituals would be performed. We were guided up another 4 flights of stairs to the roof that had been professionally decked out for the occasion. Quite a large area of white structure decorated with flowers. A red rug/heavy fabric covering the whole area and a cream colored loveseat just big enough for 3 people. On either side was matching cream colored arm chairs with their own flowered arches. This whole set up seems to have been solely for the groom and his pictures. The guests all took turns sitting with Shubho for photographs. Here again, I thought about Dipti and wished she could be with her son in this lavish setting. They come from such a poor setting with their dirt floor, 3 room shanty with cook shack beyond, and tiny yard is thick soupy, slick mud now during rainy season..

We spent a good while up there on the roof.. meeting the parents and a few others, chatting with just a few, visiting with Kobid. He answered our many questions.. and shared with us what was going on and why. One thing he said, is that these Hindu weddings are focused on the bridal pair and their friends… the parents just observe and enjoy…We enjoyed the night air with an occasional slight whiff of a breeze, observing the constant movement of photographers and guests and what appeared to be a very nervous Shubho tugging at the collar of his Punjabi, dabbing the sweat off his face, checking his reflection in any available smart phone screen to make sure everything was in place for these monumental photos. Meanwhile, pretty much never did see any more than a faint hint of a smile, sober as a judge! Every so often, the bride’s little brother 12yrs, would connect a smart phone to a couple loud speakers for some loud music, which never lasted long. Thank goodness, cause my little boy was trying to catch a few zzz’s. A normal Hindu wedding according to Kobid and our observations of all other Hindu occasions would include a nice amount of drumming and music but this wedding was being hosted by the benevolent landlord of the bride’s family, as they are not wealthy either. And the landlord is Muslim, so no drums and music allowed.

After awhile, it was time for Shubho to go down to that main floor where he had a time of rituals with the priest. Back up to the roof until it was time to go back down for the meal. It was a delicious chicken bhaji(fried)…nice meaty chunks, rice, fish with potatoes curry, dim (boiled egg) curry, “salad”.. that was seasoned the most perfectly here that I’ve ever had..with lime juice and salt, and shodda doy(white… which means it’s not as sweet as the brown, yogurt, our favorite) After the meal, on our way back up to the roof, we were invited into the home there on the 2nd floor. Wow.What.a.Nice.Home. Clean, tile floors, high ceilings, spacious, minimally But tastefully and actually modern-ishly🙃 decorated. We sat on couches and before long they brought a plate of jackfruit, which most of still cannot really appreciate. Dipti’s sister, who was there with us, took one. And served us glasses of a most delectable fresh lemonade🤤

 we followed Shubho back up to the roof.. just a few guests and his friends. I haven’t mentioned this part yet, but there was this woman helping/being Shubho’s “right hand man” making sure he had tissue to dab sweat away, prompt him for what he was supposed to do next, etc.. he would call on her if he needed anything..

Sun July 5

 Lonnie said he was feeling 90% better🤗

Got Maddie’s dress finished and Jaira’s cut out and zigzagged

Sat. July 4

 Lonnie had come home last night with a headache also, but by the morning he was feeling Really terrible with the chills, headache, etc. topping it off with a rib out of place. He spent the entire day in bed😳 certainly a very rare occasion

The rest of us went about our day

Laundry, bread to bake, and I decided if the girls were gonna have something nice to wear to the upcoming wedding of our maid’s son, i’d have to get busy sewing! Their dresses we’d finally been able to drop off at the tailor to be sewn wouldn’t be ready till next Sat. And I’d left their newest dresses with the tailor for measurements! I don’t mind them having a dress or two sewn by their momma anyway😉

I’d brought a tenderloin for steak from Dhaka to grill up for Maddie’s birthday, then after our change of plans figured we’d have her birthday meal the next day, but with Lonnie under the weather we weren’t going to be grilling steak. I ended up slicing some of it really thin and pan frying it. Putting it in a quesadilla with sautéed onions, bell peppers, and a little hot pepper.. yum 😋 

I kept that machine humming after everybody was in bed

Fri July 3 Our Maddie Jane turns 12 and a native funeral

 We left at 7:00. eating sausage patties and banana muffins on the road, picking Kobid up at Zero Point. 

It is certainly Monsoon Season which makes visiting natives a real event. especially with small children and all the mud everywhere. I always wonder if everybody will be able to stay upright this time. 

Beauty’s mother’s name is Miriam and she lives with Beauty’s brother and his wife and 8 yr old dau. Genia. Their house is at the back corner of a 200 yr old cemetery. So actually a very nice location considering they have a huge concrete walled in “front yard” with all their neighbors being 6 ft under, giving it a peaceful, quieter atmosphere than most of Bangladesh city living. The story was told today of how years ago the family rented this house as it was low rent. Thru the years, the rent got less! And now they do not even have to pay rent anymore! Not a very common trend🤔

 I had a surprise, I had not realized that Khokon and Beauty had a son! But he(Opu?) and their dau. Orpita met us out by the highway when we arrived. And showed us to the house. We stepped thru the doorway into the 1st small room, where Miriam’s body was lying on the bed. Her sister, which is our Sister Elizabeth from Kaligonj met us there where she took up residence on the bed next to Miriam. In the next  room, Beauty and her children hung out with other visitors coming and going. And serving dim, ruti, and dhal for breakfast.

 Beauty has been staying there with her mom and brother for this last month. Her and Elizabeth both seemed especially sad all day.. we were escorted thru another small room in the front of the house across from Miriam’s room where a laundry line was strung and floor beds were rolled up for the day. Into another bedroom with a bed, loveseat, and bathroom adjoining. Kokhon was hanging out in that room… I stayed there for a bit but soon found my way back over to where Beauty was, to sit with her and visit some and then spent some time in the front room with Elizabeth and Beauty’s brother and wife. At one point I stepped up to Elizabeth stepping on the burlap rug at the end of the bed. Squish. It was very soggy🤔 remember..everybody is bare foot, leaving their shoes outside the door…it was raining just outside the open doorway but only later did it fully dawn on me what I’d probably stepped in😳… I have not been acquainted with dead bodies that have not been embombed😝 but to these folks, it’s a natural part of life and death.. Later, I observed a couple women ringing the rug and rags out into buckets, no gloves, no ado….

Somehow None of Gentry’s pacifiers came along with us! So that presented it’s own challenge for the day😫

After awhile, Brian’s, Miss Aleigha, with Elizabeth’s husband, Boli and son arrived. 

I walked out in the cemetery with Gentry to where the grave was still being dug. The cemetery was quite overgrown so couldn’t walk around too much beyond the path from the front gate to the house…we were warned of snakes..

Walked back to the house about the time they were bringing Miriam’s body out in the bed sheets to a covered area where they proceeded to wash and dress her. The daughter in law set to wailing… this lady died of cancer and was only a very small skeleton by this time. The casket⚰️ actually shaped just like this emoji! Was covered in black fabric, a couple narrow satin ribbons like green and white maybe 💭 all the way around with a few coordinating satin flowers here and there.

Sometime in here, Kaylee and I decided to go buy some flower bouquets. I’d taken note of the florist shops not far away, on the way in. Brian helped us hire one of the rickshaws waiting in line on the street side of the cemetery. We took Bennett and Annslie with us. The flower dokans were farther away than I had remembered, but not too bad. It didn’t take long to buy 2(one for Beauty and one for Elizabeth) already prepared, nice sized bouquets, for a total of 900 Taka(about 9 USD)

Back at the house, Miriam was already arranged in the casket there in the front yard. The flower bouquets were put in the casket with her for picture time. Perfume and scented powder was sprayed all around and over her…a prayer..and then the casket was carried to the cemetery.

On the way, the lid that was just loosely resting on top, was accidentally knocked askew🫣

The husband, that had been buried 14 years ago, was unearthed. A sheet covered his casket that was not holding together too good any more.😳

So the smallish crowd gathered around led by a robed priest? Supposedly not Catholic, but Church of Bangladesh, although the performances felt very Catholic🧐 1 or 2 Bangali songs were sung. A couple different times the crowd was lead in crossing themselves. The priest read from his book. Elizabeth and 2 other ladies were called on to speak… could hardly hear them… were they sharing memories?? The lid was moved aside, holy water was sprinkled, the bouquets were removed to be placed on the grave later. The lid was nailed down. And she was lowered by ropes and the husband next. We were given chunks of dirt and marigold petals to throw over them.

As we had agreed to stay for lunch, we were escorted back to the house, back to the room with the loveseat, bed, and adjoining wash room. Instructed to rest 🤔 After awhile individual boxes of kichuri(rice and lentil mix) with a boiled egg were brought in with apologies for the wait time. It felt so backward… the family serving us. China plates and glasses again.. after lunch we invited the family in with us. Brian’s had brought a few Bangali hymnals. So we stood with the family and sang 5 or so songs. Boli and Elizabeth’s married son, I believe, took Gentry during this time and kept him happy till we were ready to leave. What a Godsend, as Tylenol was not kicking my headache and there was a tired Annslie around also.

Lonnie shared a scripture and some words then Brian’s turn. He had the same scripture in mind as Lonnie, but he shared words of comfort with the family also. Then Boli shared memories and we had a prayer. 

Miss Christina went with Brian’s from there as they had invited her to come spend a little more time in Dhaka this summer with them and Miss Aleigha. And we took Kobid and Orpita back to Khulna with us. Lonnie and Kobid kept up a steady stream in the front seat. After a little small talk with Orpita. The whole crew of us fell asleep in the back of the van. I was feeling nauseous by this time with my headache🤕🤢 At Bissho Rd, Lonnie and Kobid  helped Orpita catch the bus on to Gopalgonj.

Back at the house, Lonnie, Jaira, and Annslie went to Shunil’s to pick up Maddie’s birthday cake. I showered, then fixed the table up a bit.

After our little birthday party, Maddie commented, “That was a fun birthday!” Which made my momma heart glad! As native events can be a bit much for my girls sometimes. But it seemed like she handled the sudden change of plans and big day well✨

Thurs July 2

 I sewed today

In the evening, Ripon from Gopalgonj, called with the word that our Sister Beauty’s mother had passed away. She passed at 5:00 that morning and the funeral would be tomorrow morning 9:30 at her home in Jashore 2 hrs from here.

I finished my dress

Wed. July 1

 I cut out a dress for myself

 This evening 5:00, was scheduled to be our 1st doctrine class with Lewis and Purnima.

We went in to Khulna City a little early so we could stop by Aarongs for wrapping paper and the grocery store for a few essentials, the tailor boss was not in,.. and then on to Lewis’s where Purnima was making noodles over her low mud oven, even tho we’d told them, “we don’t need food”. 

While she finished up, I offered to wash the china dishes and glasses she’d gotten out by the water pump. My offer was declined so I went out the gate to visit with the neighbor ladies that had gathered. 

There was a 1 month old baby there in Lewis’s compound that was crying and crying(it had gotten a vaccination shot that day) and the mother had taken it out to walk with it where it finally fell asleep and she wanted me to hold it. The baby was not named yet.

After the class, and noodles with tiny bits of meat (that tasted a lot like liver.. they’d received from their Muslim neighbors at Eid🫣) we made our way back thru the alley to where we’d parked out by the street. While I waited for Lonnie to move the van away from the curb so I could get in. I visited with some chatty children who’d gathered. One informed me that one of them was Hindu, one Muslim, and one Christian😅

Lonnie stopped back by the tailor dokan for me and the boss was there 🤗 finally! I left 2 pcs for dresses for the girls and Miss Christina left a 3 pc kameeze to be sewn